Why do some groups respond to a crisis better than others?

Resilience is the ability to bounce back when bad/challenging/intense things happen. Today I’m thinking about what that looks like for groups of people.

A couple months ago, two of my friends were having medical emergencies at the same time, and another experienced the death of a family member. Several people needed lots of support within a very short period of time. My partner and I and a small group of friends were able to come together to provide that support and also to keep things going at home (pets fed, children cared for, etc.). For whatever reason, this was the first time I experienced people coming together in a crisis easily and handling it effectively. Other situations I’ve experienced didn’t work out that way. People had different ideas of what was needed and argued over them until either nothing got done, opportunities were lost, or someone forged ahead and did something independent of the group. Often this resulted in damage to people’s relationships beyond whatever the actual crisis would have caused.

Crisis is never fun, but it was so much more doable with a group of people who were able to collaborate successfully. What made the difference in this group being able to navigate this set of crises effectively?

"No Planet B", Fall Creek Gorge.

Shared Values and Experience

One of the things I noticed when my friends and I were navigating the crisis I described above is the strength of our shared values and experience. We are all people who look for ways to offer support to others on a daily basis. We have all also had our own crises that we navigated either alone or with insufficient support, so we know what a difference support makes. We value making sure that our loved ones don’t go through their own crises alone, as long as we are able to show up.

Know Each Other’s Strengths

We also knew clearly what our respective strengths were and what roles made sense for each of us as the situation unfolded. One friend, a medical professional, was able to advise from afar via text messages. Another friend stayed in the hospital for five days to support the infant patient and mom, and was able to do that thanks to an understanding and flexible boss. I made sure the dog got walked and fed, and then took her to grandma’s so I could bring food and give everyone at the hospital a break.

Trust

We had existing relationships and trust with each other before the crisis, which made it easier to ask for help, trust that each person would contribute what they could without putting themselves in harm’s way, and make decisions together as the situation changed.

Accountability and Support

We have all done some work to take responsibility for our own baggage, so there were no jockeying for power or unexpected outbursts. Beyond the medical crises, our friends faced additional challenges due to systemic assumptions and policies, and from other people who were involved. Between our shared knowledge and experience, we were able to navigate the additional challenges successfully.

In the years leading up to this intense time in our lives, I wasn’t thinking about how my loved ones and I would respond to a crisis at all, and I don’t think they were thinking about it either. We were just trying to live and love as best we could. Watching us swing into action and rise to the occasion together was surprising and gratifying. I don’t think this is unique or superhuman at all, in fact I think it’s ordinary, or can be ordinary. But my younger self who had only experienced group dysfunction in a crisis thought that was normal and ordinary, although unfortunate and potentially dangerous. The contrast makes me curious about the difference between those experiences.

What do you do with your communities and loved ones to increase your connection, effectiveness, and resilience? What do you think makes the difference between groups responding to crises effectively and groups responding with dysfunction?