On Taking Brave, Messy Action

I’ve shared some pretty raw stuff on social media in the past, and it’s been received well (thank you). I’ve learned how to talk about what’s heavy and hard and how I’m dealing with it. 

The truth is that sharing the hard stuff wasn’t nearly as terrifying as sharing what I want to do, what I’m good at, and how I can help. There are a bunch of factors to unpack and understand there, but it boils down to this: As a child and young adult, whenever I talked about, tried, or did anything that lit me up, I was ridiculed or punished for it. My mom’s whims prevented me from trying things I was interested in, and I’ve also had things I loved taken away for no good reason after a while. I learned that nothing I was curious about, excited about, or loved was ever going to be safe. That’s on top of being gaslit and ridiculed for being my authentic self.

So you can probably see why talking about what I want to do, what I’m good at, and how I can help is fucking scary.

This is my new growth edge, and the only way I know how to do this is transparently.

Where will these next steps take me?

“Your life is a grand experiment, and so is everyone else’s. No one knows what they’re doing–especially not me. We are all iterating, messing up, navigating chaos, and learning and growing.” –Simone Grace SeolI’ve said similar before, and when I read that quote tonight it was the reminder I needed.

I know how to show up courageously. It’s a transferable skill, from talking about my trauma to talking about my strengths and contributions. Hiding isn’t going to get me anywhere; it’s not really even going to keep me safe. Trying to get it “just right” so I won’t feel like I’m in danger of having what matters most to me taken away is not an achievable thing; that’s what a child imagines will keep them safe from an unpredictable or vindictive parent. I love my inner child so much, and am grateful to her for helping me survive. Now it’s time to be my own parent–again–and learn how to do more than just survive.

And y’all are coming with me, because humans need humans, because the only way forward in these crazy times is together, and because reciprocity and collaboration are how we’re going to iterate stronger communities and a better world together.