What does it mean to conspire to thrive?

Humans fascinate me. Why do people do the things they do? How can we handle the big, confusing things that happen to us (like emotions)? How do we make sense of our pain, and what do we do about it? How can we experience more of the good things, like connection, creativity, comfort, joy, support? How do we be our authentic selves while also being kind? How can we recognize harmful behavior faster and protect ourselves more effectively? How can we create communities and cultures where people feel welcome, at home, safe, and free to make their best contributions?

I’ve been pondering questions like these for my whole life, and I’ve gotten better at answering some of them through observation, experience, study, and good old pattern recognition. Some questions may not have answers, but I believe many have better answers than what’s considered “normal” in United States culture. 

I also believe we’re at a turning point. The status quo already wasn’t working for far too many of us in the U.S. and around the world. Now that status quo is being thrown into chaos. Most of us in the U.S. haven’t seen much impact on our daily lives yet, but we will. There will be no “getting back to normal” like so many tried to do after covid lockdowns. There will be a new normal someday, regardless of what you or I do as individuals, and we have a long way to go before we get there. That’s the reality of the situation. There are so many feelings that come up in response to these rapidly changing circumstances: uncertainty, denial, grief, fear, anger, overwhelm… and hope. Hope because, when things are in flux, there is more that we can do collectively to affect the outcomes.

I’m a pragmatist. I don’t want to and didn’t sign up to live in these times, but here I am and here they are. I hate that the status quo was already harming so many (all of us, depending on how you define harm!) and that even more harm is affecting and will affect many/most/all during the current disruption and chaos. I wish we could get through this without all that suffering, but I don’t get to decide that. What I do get to decide is how I’m going to show up for this moment and every moment that comes after.

That goes for us collectively, too. We get to decide how we’re going to show up for this moment and every moment that comes after.

Purple crocus buds covered in rain drops.

U.S. culture has done a lot over the centuries to undermine community. People keep looking for it anyway, because we can’t help it, and sometimes we find it. But what hurts most is that most of us no longer have the skills we need to co-create and sustain healthy communities. Even groups of people with the best of intentions who get together to solve problems and meet needs collectively have a high risk of falling apart, blowing up (metaphorically), grinding to a halt, or being co-opted by the system. Why? Myriad reasons, including widespread trauma and the wrong skills and group norms. Do we know how to build consensus? Do we know how to argue respectfully, effectively, and constructively? Do we know how to make sure an egomaniac doesn’t take over the group? Do we know how to enforce healthy group norms without shunning and ostracizing people (which is sometimes necessary, but shouldn’t be the default for every issue)? Do we know how to identify and address our current cultural norms and socialization that prevent us from building the connections and communities we want? Do we know how to make space to acknowledge trauma without letting it derail us? Do we know how to allow, appreciate, and support the contributions of those who have different perspectives and approaches (not oppressive perspectives and approaches, to be clear)?

Conspire to Thrive is working to answer those questions and more, and support individuals and groups in learning how to build and sustain healthy communities. We’ll get through this together, and we’ll shape a better “new normal” together, especially if we do the work to learn and practice these skills and embrace supportive group norms.

This piece is the high-altitude introduction, the “why.” The next piece will open a conversation about the “how.”